Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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