all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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