I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
