listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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