I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
