How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
