I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
