I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
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