I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
