Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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