i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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