I molested 6 butterflies tonight
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
there is glitter all over my balls
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