just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
