i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
