Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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