i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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