Life is so much better after having sex.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
