dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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