Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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