Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Oh god it's open bar.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
