But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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