I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
