I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
