Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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