2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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