Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
