thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
