Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
