i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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