she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
