Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
