don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
