my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Randomize
