I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
