The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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