Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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