Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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