my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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