i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
