i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
