dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
