I hate your face
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
