There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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