she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
