naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
