I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
