Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
We got so high we made milksteak
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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