How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
