Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
This toilet bowl is my home.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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