i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
