The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
