Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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