Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
