can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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