Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
