so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
