i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
