I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
