guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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