You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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