are you so shy because you have an std?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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