we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
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I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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