If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
