Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Those nachos came to me in a dream
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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