I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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