He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
