if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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